Pearson Adult Learning Centre

Student Writing  October 15, 2001
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Jason writes of his father. An honest and lively portrayal, note how the writer brings us exactly the right details to paint a vivid picture with his words. Based on the exercise, "A Real Character: Exercise in Description"

  My Father

     My father, a former teacher in a secondary high school, used to give speeches to an audience. He was a senior on the school staff, so he sometimes had to act as principal to attend some meetings. He always had lots of occasions to give lectures. He even couldn't stop closing his "preaching box" at my wedding banquet. He stood in front of the bride and me, telling us how to treat each other to make a happy family as if he would never have the chance in the future to preach to us. He was so rooted in this habit that he even gave a lecture to a thief. My father was awakened by some thumps when the thief broke into our house. My father stepped downstairs and unexpectedly saw a young man touching stuff in our living room. My father stopped the thief from taking some things that held a sentimental value for him and allowed the thief to take some others. In the meantime, my father didn't miss the chance to give a lecture to the thief for not doing the right thing, for taking the trophy he won in a tournament, for breaking a big vase he bought for thousands of dollars, for disturbing his sleep. The thief must have found my father a bit annoying and then asked the way out. Father showed the thief the way and admonished the thief not to rob again. Now, my father has lain ill in bed for a long time in the hospital. He can't even speak a word, but only looks emptily at the ceiling. Whenever I go to visit him, I wish Father could give me a speech one more time!

óJason, Grade 10 English student at PALC

Teacher's comment: 
Note how Jason uses parallel structure beautifully in his work. Also, note the varied sentence beginnings, and types. Vivid imagery and a real one-of-a-kind story make this an appealing piece of writing. The details are of the most important kind: regarding weddings, a break-in, and illness. 

 

 

 

 

 

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