Jason writes of his father. An honest and lively portrayal, note how the
writer brings us exactly the right details to paint a vivid picture with
his words. Based on the exercise, "A
Real Character: Exercise in Description"
My father, a former teacher in
a secondary high school, used to give speeches to an audience. He was a
senior on the school staff, so he sometimes had to act as principal to
attend some meetings. He always had lots of occasions to give lectures.
He even couldn't stop closing his "preaching box" at my
wedding banquet. He stood in front of the bride and me, telling us how
to treat each other to make a happy family as if he would never have the
chance in the future to preach to us. He was so rooted in this habit
that he even gave a lecture to a thief. My father was awakened by some
thumps when the thief broke into our house. My father stepped downstairs
and unexpectedly saw a young man touching stuff in our living room. My
father stopped the thief from taking some things that held a sentimental
value for him and allowed the thief to take some others. In the
meantime, my father didn't miss the chance to give a lecture to the
thief for not doing the right thing, for taking the trophy he won in a
tournament, for breaking a big vase he bought for thousands of dollars,
for disturbing his sleep. The thief must have found my father a bit
annoying and then asked the way out. Father showed the thief the way and
admonished the thief not to rob again. Now, my father has lain ill in
bed for a long time in the hospital. He can't even speak a word, but
only looks emptily at the ceiling. Whenever I go to visit him, I wish
Father could give me a speech one more time!
óJason, Grade 10 English student at PALC
Note how Jason uses parallel structure beautifully in his
work. Also, note the varied sentence beginnings, and types. Vivid
imagery and a real one-of-a-kind story make this an appealing piece of
writing. The details are of the most important kind: regarding weddings,
a break-in, and illness.