Pearson Adult Learning Centre HomePearson Adult Learning Centre: Editing a 20-Error Paragraph

 

checklist

by Brad


Are you ready for a summer challenge? Read the following "Editing Checklist" compiled by our teacher, Pat, and then try to find at least 20 errors in the paragraph below. Good luck! A corrected version of the paragraph is provided for you to see after you give it a try.

Paragraph Writing: Editing Checklist

To make sure your paragraph is complete and correct, check the following before handing in your paragraph.

Format

Title
—centre the title on the top line
—the title should not be a complete sentence

—capitalize all the words in the title except short prepositions such as on, to, in, and for, short conjunctions such as or and so, and articles such as a, an, and the
—Example: How to Reduce Stress; Winning the Lottery

Indent the first sentence of the paragraph (five spaces)

Organization

—Begin with a topic sentence that contains a topic and a controlling idea
—Support the topic sentence with relevant details and examples
—End the paragraph with a concluding sentence that shows the reader your paragraph is finished. This is the writer's closing comment about the topic discussed.

Grammar and Mechanics

—Check for correct grammar and sentence structure
—Check punctuation and spelling.

 

Paragraph with 20 Errors: The following paragraph contains 20 errors. Use the "Paragraph Writing: Editing Checklist" as a guide and find the errors. Make corrections and rewrite the paragraph. Go to Corrected Paragraph.

Cell Phones Endanger Drivers


One of the recent developments in modern technology, cellular phones, can be a threat to safety. A study for Donald Redmond and Robert Lim of the university of Toronto showed that cellular phones poses a risk to drivers. In fact people who talk by the phone while driving are for times more likely to have an automobile accident than those whom do not use the phone while drive. I like to use my cell phone when I am driving because it is convenient. The researchers studied 699 drivers. Who were in an automobile accident while they were using they're cellular phones. The researchers concluded that the mane reason for the accidents was not that people used one hand for the telephone and one hand for driving. Instead the cause of accidents were usually that the drivers became distracted angry or upset by the phone call. As a result the drivers' lost concentration. Many people find that monthly plans are more economical than pre-paid plans.

 

 

Paragraph with Corrections:

 

Cell Phones Endanger Drivers
Dangerous Drivers on Cell Phones (suggested title)
(No underline in titles; no full sentence as “endanger” is a verb) Errors 1, 2


(indent missing 3)  One of the recent developments in (of-preposition 4) modern technology, cellular phones, can be a threat to safety. A study for Donald Redmond and Robert Lim of the (capital “U” 5) University of Toronto showed (study is in the past; completed could be present tense) that cellular phones pose (subject-verb “phones pose” 6) a risk to drivers. In fact, (comma missing after “In fact” or “in addition” and so on 7) people who talk on (“by” to “on” 8) the phone while driving are four (spelling mistake on “four” 9) times more likely to have an automobile accident than those who (“Who” not “whom” 10) do not use the phone while driving (“drive” changed to “driving” 11). I like to use my cell phone when I am driving because it is convenient. (Off topic sentence; should be omitted 12) The researchers studied 699 drivers who were in an automobile accident while they were using their (“they’re” changed to possessive “their” 13) cellular phones. (sentence fragment should be joined to previous sentence. 14) The researchers concluded that the main (“mane” should be spelled “main” 15) reason for the accidents was not that people used one hand for the telephone and one hand for driving. Instead, (introductory word “Instead” takes a comma 16) the cause of accidents were usually that the drivers became distracted, (comma for a list after “distracted” 17) angry or upset by the phone call. As a result, (comma again after “as a result” 18) the drivers (no apostrophe as no possessive 19) lost concentration. Many people find that monthly plans are more economical than pre-paid plans. (not a concluding sentence 20)


 (July 20, 2003)

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