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For Parents

You Reap What You Sow
by Natalia; August 10, 2008

 

 

Is it always true what proverb says: “You reap what you sow”? Unfortunately, sometimes, it is not. The process of bringing up a child is a unique multi-factor experiment in which disciplining is the hardest thing to do. Every case of disciplining needs an individual approach and attention, but parents better should do their duties with love, patience and wisdom.

Love, in this case, means knowing the strong and weak sides of children’s characters in order to discipline them effectively. While demonstrating disapproval of a child’s misbehavior, parents should also show true love- a willingness to understand, to forgive, and to encourage every step of children’s improvement. Trust in parental love will help children to accept criticism without emotional traumas.

My son, in his early childhood, couldn’t take any failures without being hurt and my husband was worried very much about his emotional condition. In order to change this situation, he spent a lot of time playing with our son, while teaching him how to focus on enjoyment of playing, rather than on winning the game. 

This lesson was very important, because it taught our son to be accustomed to the real- life situation in which a person can’t be always a winner. It was also a very important lesson on how to put mutual interests (pleasure of playing together) over personal interest (pleasure to win).

Patience is a necessary quality that parents should also demonstrate in disciplining. My husband and I have tried to explain things to our son patiently since his early childhood; it has helped us to convince him to change his behavior or attitude more easily. Unfortunately, in my native country, Russia, upbringing and education at schools and at homes go together with orders, shouts, and, sometimes, with children’s emotional or physical abuse.

By these methods, educators often achieve nothing except hatred. Many have years passed, but I still remember with bad feelings my music teacher who hit my hand during the lesson. I truly enjoy humanitarian methods of disciplining, without physical or verbal abuse, that are proclaimed as officially appropriate methods in Canada.

Parents, surely, should use both wisdom and life experiences to achieve better results in disciplining. It is easier for parents to choose methods of disciplining after recollecting their own mistakes, feelings and behavior in childhood. Parents shouldn’t force children to achieve all goals that parents dreamed of for themselves.

After learning from my own experience, I didn’t insist on my son’s excellence in every subject at school; instead, I encouraged him to concentrate on the subjects that he loved. Because of this, I think, he was definite about his future profession after finishing high school.

Considering myself an experienced parent, I am convinced that love, patience and wisdom are the most effective parental “instruments” in a hard, but rewarding process of disciplining children.